I recently watched a shocking Youtube video recorded by college students in America, demonstrating how easy it is to “pick up” on campus. In one of the many encounters that were shown, a young woman approaches another young woman to ask her out. Here is how it went.
A young woman is walking slowly on her phone toward the girl that is going to try to “pick her up”. She startles her by saying,
“Wow! You are so hot. Can I have your number?”
The young woman looks flattered but politely says, “Thank you so much, but I’m straight.”
She responds, “Oh, I’m sure I could change you.”
“You sound so convincing.” She says with an awkward giggle. “Ok.”
And proceeds to give the young woman her number.
I had to pick my jaw up off my desk when I watched this one.
This woman’s response shows how little thought she had put into the kind of love she wants. She was clearly not same-sex attracted. She even defended that fact but was ready to date a young woman just because she called her “hot” and asked her out. How sad that this woman could be so easily influenced. Her willingness to settle for whatever came her way proves she has never sought clarity on the kind of love she really wants.
A principle I teach over and over to singles and dating couples is The Power of Visualisation. When it comes to love and relationships, it is crucial, to begin with, the end in mind. If the mind can conceive something, it is much more likely you will achieve it. How difficult would it be to hit a target you couldn’t see? Or find an object you’d never seen?
Yet so many young people wander through life, speaking to countless people online or initiating intense friendships with strangers they met on a train. This is all because when you have no idea who you would like to marry, you necessarily have no idea who you would like to date. And if you have no idea who you would like to date, you frantically “give every person a go” as one young person said to me, “because how would you know if they were the one?”
The Power of Visualisation simplifies this problem enormously. I encourage single people to spend time identifying what kind of person they would like to marry one day. What kind of virtues, values, characteristics, morals and religious views would they possess? Once you can identify that this is the kind of person you would hope to marry someday, this instantly breathes a spirit of peace and clarity into the “dating scene.”
Rather than chasing every person, you meet for fear they might be Mr or Mrs Right, you peacefully love and respect every person you meet, knowing full well that when you meet the person you have hoped you would marry, they will stand out very clearly to you. But here is the key. They will only stand out to you, to the extent that you knew what you were looking for in a future spouse. The more you begin to speak with them and spend time with them, they will naturally share who they are with you. Not to try and impress you, but because it is who they truly are.
If you have not done this yet, do this now. Take out your prayer journal, and set a time to go to adoration this week. Ask the Lord to open your heart and expel any fear or self-doubt from your mind and heart about who and what you deserve. Write down everything you would like your future spouse to possess and be. Trust that the Lord wants to give you greater gifts than you could even imagine.
There is no such thing as a perfect person, but there are many people who are striving each day to possess the virtues, values, characteristics, morals and religious views that you had always hoped for.