A few years ago, I was gardening with my son Joseph (aged 2 at the time). We were planting new flowers for Spring, which Joey picked himself. He used his plastic rake and shovel to “help” alongside me. This help usually consists of picking up the dirt I just moved and putting it on the footpath, shouting, “Look, Daddy, I did it!” The joy on his face – lacking in mine – was priceless.
Every few minutes, I tell him how proud I am of him, and that I love him. Renewed with the strength of affirmation, he shovels the dirt on the footpath just that little bit faster!
As we were working side-by-side, he called out, “Ohhh, I love you so much, Dad.” It melted my heart. I gave him a big hug and told him how proud I was of him and that I loved him so much. Then, getting back to shoveling, I heard him about to say it again, “Ohhh, I love you so much… Joey.”
“What did you say?” I asked with a puzzled smile.
He says it again, “I love you so much, Joey,” this time, kissing his hand and touching his cheek. My first reaction to this was; this is weird. But at that moment, I realized he had taught me an important lesson.
The importance of healthy self-love.
Self-love comes from a deep understanding that we are of infinite value and worth. We are made in God’s image and likeness. We image Him powerfully, beautifully, uniquely and unrepeatably. He loves us because we are His – even when we miss the mark through sin, and shovel dirt on the footpath!
There is a crisis in our world today, and it is the lack of healthy self-love. Many of us look in the mirror and see a long list of “proofs” of why we aren’t loveable. We don’t like certain facial features, our body image, our gender, our bad habits or our sinful attitudes or attachments. We think if we got rid of them, and became perfect, we would finally love ourselves. Yet, in my own life, I have found that it is precisely in and through these apparent “proofs” that I am unlovable that I have learned to love myself most.
I have had to learn that I can’t wait until I am perfect to think I am worthy of love, because that day will never come. I am loveable right now, despite my many imperfections. I will never be rid of all my imperfections. The journey of the Christian life is learning to love ourselves as God loves us. Imperfect and utterly reliant on Jesus to save us. Without Him, we are literally nothing (John 15:5).
Sure, we can and should have things we are growing in and working on in our spiritual lives. After all, Jesus commanded us to be perfect (Matt 5:48), and we should take sin seriously. Sin leads to death (Rom 6:23). The motivation to grow in the way of perfection should not be so we can “arrive” at perfection and then be able to love ourselves. It should be because we want Heaven.
We can learn so much from children. Joseph doesn’t see any imperfections in himself when he sees himself in the mirror. He knows he is loved, and he loves himself. He only knows that he is a gift, special and loveable. He is told that by his parents and family members. In the same way, since we have been baptized into Christ, we are one body with Him. So, as the Father says to Him, “This is my beloved son, with whom I am well pleased” (Matt 3:17), we should know that the Father says the same to us.
