Every family needs a father. Not just any father; a present, hands-on father.
As a husband to a beautiful wife and father of four young children, the second half of the above statement hits home. It is challenging to be a present and intentional dad in the busy world we live in. I am called to be a man of prayer who sets time aside for God while ensuring I make intentional time for my wife and each of my children. This alone is challenging, and I haven’t even factored in time for work, family, friends, exercise, etc.
As a result, I constantly feel like I do not spend enough time with my children.
Pope Francis says, “Every family needs a father – a father who shares in his family’s joy and pain, hands down wisdom to his children, and offers them firm love and guidance.” This quote helped me realize a powerful lesson.
To share in the joys and sufferings of my children, I must be a present, hands-on father.
For my children to be willing to listen to any wisdom I have to share from past mistakes, I must be a present, hands-on father.
To offer firm guidance that is understood to be rooted in my unwavering love for them, I must be a present, hands-on father.
The father should not just share in the joy of home life but work to create the joy! This is only possible if he learns to put the concerns of work aside and be present with his family. There will always be more work to do, but I will never get this precious time with my children back.
If a father does not prove to his children that they are important to him,, what makes him think his children will open up to him when they are suffering? You need to earn the right to be “opened up to”, even by your children.
There is a popular saying that says, “People do not care how much you know until they know how much you care.” You can be the wisest father in the world, but if your child does not think you love him, care for him and are invested in him, your advice will become nothing more than a noisy gong or clanging cymbal (1 Cor 13:1).
If you are a dad right now, you know it is hard to be present and hands-on. Maybe you have made many mistakes with your grown-up children that you wish you could erase. Maybe you are seeing yourself making mistakes with your young children and are desperate to make some changes.
Do not despair. Make peace with the fact that you will always be able to be more present and more hands-on than you are right now. Instead of letting that thought rob you of your peace, let it motivate you to assess where you could give just a little more time, attention and love to your children today!
In a recent interview I watched with Devin Schadt, he said, “Fathers work to provide for the family that they are neglecting, only to later have the family they worked for neglect them.” This should make every father stop in his tracks and evaluate his fatherhood. There will always be work to do, but we will never get back the time we lose by failing to be present dads to our children.
